I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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