let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
