My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You can't just leave with hair like that
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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