I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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