then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
