people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
