I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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