none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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