Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So vagazzling was a success
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
