i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
