You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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