Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
