i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize