thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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