shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
