I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
