I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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