the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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