My first STD was from a foam party
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
