He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
