hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
