It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
