remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
