Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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