There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
