Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
