I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Do you still have your period?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
