so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
