Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
