I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
