I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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