Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
