i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
