y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
