the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
