what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
