Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
