You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
