I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize