I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize