need another drink. this is the easiest way
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
