I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
