You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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