ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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