btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
