im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
