My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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