how can u be prego again
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
