Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
