Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am spending my child support on dildos
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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