Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
