Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
