I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
