He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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