Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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