a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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