Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
