My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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