Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
