Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
