i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
