life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
