They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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