have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
