He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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