I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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