so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
