He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
